A room of one's own by S.blu ‖ Copyright © 2009

 "What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? -- it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's goodbye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."

   

"I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn't know who I was -- I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I'd never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn't know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds."

     “That’s right. That’s right, Neal kept saying and all the time he was only concerned with locking the trunk and putting the proper things in the compartment and sweeping the floor and getting all ready for the purity of the road again, the purity of moving and getting somewhere, no matter where, and as fast as possible. We roared off. Neal pushed the Hudson through the Lincoln Tunnel and we were in New Jersey. It was drizzling and mysterious at the beginning of our voyage. I could see that it was going to be one big saga of the mist. ‘Here we go! ‘yelled Neal. And he gunned her.”

 “Well yes, well yes, and now I think we better be cutting along because we gotta be in Chicago by tomorrow night and we already wasted several hours’…. I turned to watch the kitchen light recede in the sea of night. Then I leaned ahead. In no time at all we were back on the highway and that night I saw the entire state of Nebraska unroll perceptibly before my eyes. A hundred and ten miles an hour straight through, an arrow road, sleeping towns, no traffic, and the Union Pacific streamliner falling behind us in the moonlight. …All the Nebraska towns — Ogallala, Gothenburg, Kearny, Grand Island, Columbus — unreeled with dreamlike rapidity as we roared ahead and talked. It was a magnificent car, it could hold the road like a boat holds water. Gradual curves were its singing ease. …’What a dreamboat,’ sighed Neal. ’Do you know there’s a road that goes down to Mexico and all the way to Panama? — and maybe all the way to the bottom of South America…Yes! You and I, Jack, we’d dig the whole world with a car like this because man the road must eventually lead to the whole world.”

"So therefore I dedicate myself to myself, to my art, my sleep, my dreams, my labors, my suffrances, my loneliness, my unique madness, my endless absorption and hunger—because I cannot dedicate myself to any fellow being."

                                                                                     —Jack Kerouac

   

  令箭也好，臭鸡蛋烂苹果也罢，当你掷出去的时候，你觉得你是有的放矢的，是目标明确的。。但是对受者而言，这都不是唯一的，仅仅是具有唯一指向性的问责和猜度，而已

  如果要挑起一摊实验，那么最好的方式是自己去假设，即便天南地北，假设完自己去证实它就是了，这样的结果即便很自以为是，即便可能脱离客观事实，但也许是处理的最私人的方式，不会影响到他人，恳请取此道而行吧

也许我的耐心需要检讨，但是相对于足够习惯于自省的本人而言，有时做人是要靠自觉，而非要到极限方在更改路线，耐心殆尽，为时已晚...

不得不厌恶的再申明一次，此篇不指代任何人人事事，拒绝任何欲前来证实林林种种相去甚远的猜度之行为，深表谢意

电梯里遇见邻居，那会儿搬家，他看我那N多东西差点以为是“商驻”
曾打过帮手，外加昨日我不在家又帮我收了急件（以前不知道邻居也可以帮忙签收的，听闻是快递差点敲裂我家门...）
简言之，甚是感谢

“你又生病了吧？”
“没，还是前两天那茬，还没好”
“给，送你个大柚子，祝你早日康复啊”
...

 

Beautiful Boy
John Lennon
Close ur eyes,Have no fear,The monster's gone
He's on the run and your daddy's here
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,Beautiful boy;
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,Beautiful boy..

Before you go to sleep,Say a little prayer
Every day in every way,It's getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,Beautiful boy...

Out on the ocean sailing away,I can hardly wait
To see you come of age,Bt I guess we'll both just have to be patient
Coz it's a long way to go,A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go,Bt in the meantime

Before u cross the street,Take my hand
Life is what happens to u While you're busy making other plans...

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,Beautiful boy....
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,Beautiful boy

Out on the ocean sailing away,I can hardly wait
To see you come of age,Bt I guess we'll both just have to be patient
Coz it's a long way to go,A hard row to hoe
Yes it's a long way to go,Bt in the meantime before u go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day in every way
It's getting better and better

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,Beautiful boy
Darling, darling, darling,Darling Sean...

   

Woman
John Lennon

Woman ,I can hardly express
My mixed emotions at my thoughtlessness
After all I'm forever in ur debt
& woman I will try to express
My inner feelings and thankfulness
For showing me the meaning of success

Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

Woman I know u understand
The little child inside of the man
Plz remember my life is in ur hands
& woman hold me close to ur heart
However distant don't keep us apart
After all it is written in the stars

Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Ooh, well, well
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo

Woman plz let me explain
I never meant to cause u sorrow or pain
So let me tell u again and again and again...

I love you, yeah, yeah,Now and fev
I love you, yeah, yeah,Now and fev
I love you, yeah, yeah,Now and fev....

 oh my love 
John Lennon      
Oh my love for the first time in my life,
My eyes are wide open,
Oh my lover for the first time in my life,
My eyes can see...

I see the wind,
Oh I see the trees,
Everything is clear in my heart,
I see the clouds,Oh I see the sky,
Everything is clear in our world...

Oh my love for the first time in my life,
My mind is wide open,
oh my lover for the first time in my life,
My mind can feel..

I feel the sorrow,Oh I feel dreams,
Everything is clear in my heart,Everything is clear in our world..

I feel the life,Oh I feel love...

 

                 

 

Yesterday
Beatles       Lennon/McCartney

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday....

Suddenly, There's a shadow hanging over me
I'm not half the man I used to be,Oh, yesterday came suddenly...

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday...

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away,Oh, I believe in yesterday....

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday....

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away.Oh, I believe in yesterday...

Mm mm mm mm mm....

 

 

 

let it be
Beatles       

When I find myself in times of trouble,Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be,& in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be
Let it be, let it be,Let it be, let it be

Whisper words of wisdom let it be
& when the broken-hearted people,Living in the world agree
There will be an answer let it be
For though they may be parted
There is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer let it be
Let it be, let it be,Let it be, let it be..

Yeah there will be an answer let it be
Let it be, let it be,Let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be
Let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be
& when the night is cloudy
There is still a light that shines on me,Shine until tomorrow let it be

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom let it be
Let it be, let it be,Let it be, yeah let it be
Oh there will be an answer let it be
Let it be, let it be,Let it be, yeah let it be
Whisper words of wisdom let it be....

      

Stand By Me
John Lennon  Ben E. King/Jerry Leiber/Mike Stoller
as recorded by John Lennon on the album "Rock 'n' Roll"

When the night has come
& the land is dark & the moon is the only light we'll see
No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid....Just as long as you stand, stand by me

& darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh now now stand by me.Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon...Should tumble and fall
& the mountains should crumble to the sea...I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me
& darlin', darlin', stand by me, oh stand by me,Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me-e, yeah

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me, oh now now stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me
Darlin', darlin', stand by me-e, stand by me......

    

Hey Jude 
Beatles  
   
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into ur heart
Then u can start to make it better

Hey Jude, don't be afraid
u were made to go out and get her
The minute u let her under ur skin
Then u begin to make it better
& anytime u feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain
Don't carry the world upon ur shoulders
For well u know that it's a fool who plays it cool
By making his world a little colder
Na Na Na Na Na Na-Na-Na-Na-Na

Hey Jude, don't let me down
u have found her, now go and get her
Remember to let her into ur heart
Then u can start to make it better
So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin
u're waiting for someone to perform with
& don't u know that it's just u

hey Jude, you'll do
The movement u need is on ur shoulder

Na Na Na Na Na Na-Na-Na-Na-Na
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her under ur skin,
Then u'll begin to make it
Better better better better better better, YEAH.
Na na na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey Jude...
Na na na, na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na, hey Jude...

第一次看岩井俊二是高中，是一个女孩子让我看《情书》，我们不熟，我不知她的用意。。当时光顾着想她为什么要我看了，所以好像都没明白到底讲什么了

 我刚进中学，我们的班长就对我很好，因为我是插班生，因为我是女生，因为我的座位离他不远。。。。是那种家长都很喜欢的一类貌似很文气，懂礼貌，从小就一直是班干部的那种尖子生。。。那时我是啦啦队，他们是主力，大家哥们情谊很好。。我不是很知道他对我有意，只是被人开玩笑开多了有了一点明白。。。只是，还没等我更明白，另一个人女孩子要我用电影来理解他对我的喜欢，我想，这里用爱字不太合适。。

从我刚进学校，就出现了那样一件事情，我总是被叫成另外一个名字，据说那是一个和我从行为到长相到神态都一模一样的女孩，在之前的三年里在本校初中部“名声”不小，我“沾了光”，一进校门便成了大众的熟脸。。

因为这个学校里70%的学生是从小学到初中到高中一路升上来的。。而那个女孩子高中时没有考上这所重点，去了其他学校。。刚开学的第一趟体育课，老师对着我，叫着她的名字，说，怎么一个假期长了这么高。。。

剩下的事情很好猜吧。。我也是之后才知道的

据说在高中之前，班长是个很傲气的男孩，有个小学时就一起上上来的女孩追他良久终成正果，只是，女朋友对他很好很专，他貌似总不是很领情，我是说貌似，事实上别人不会知道他到底如何感受的。。只知道那时，她甚至都不会很大声的在他面前说话。。。她其实本是个很活跃的分子，我说过，我们很像。。有时，他会在别人面前让她安静或者怎样，本身谁都不鸟的她就真的会很乖下来。。。只是他依旧不是很领情。。。

后来她好像忍到极限了，觉得爱一个人反而很受罪。。因为追她的男孩也不少，趁着毕业就分手了，甚至分手时，班长都没有什么感觉。。而女孩子从此频繁的换着男友，天南地北，海内海外。。

世界太小，大学时我竟然和女孩子上了同所大学，更巧的，还是同系。。只是，我学新闻传播，她学艺术类，即播音主持。。

其实我从来没有问过班长关于这件事情的更多，也不想确认什么，因为毕竟还是有很多巧合。。比如开学的第一天，4个男生靠在双杠上看着来报到的新生里有没有猎物云云。。。开了不少玩笑后，有人跟班长说，下一个进校门的就是你意中人。。

那时已经结束报名了，没什么人来了。。班长觉得这群家伙又涮他，没在意。。只是鄙人总是迟到的那一个。。。用他们的话说，当时一身白衣服，从远处奔进校门，惶急惶急，他们看着就觉得估计要摔跤。。不过我想班长应该愣了吧。。

关于开学的这一幕，是在大学毕业后才知道的。。班长讲给我的。。他并没有讲之前相似的她那一段，我亦没有问。。因为中学还没有毕业我们就已慢慢疏远了。。我不知道有没有刻意的成分，我想，也许有，也许只是，巧合。。

我想我只讲这一件就够了，因为大学时我依旧有相似的遭遇。。。。就好像已经习惯去一个陌生的地方，但别人很熟络的问候你的近况，说你怎么好久不来了。。或是街上常常受到的莫名微笑，他人一脸善意，我回应。。

回应的时候知道，我认不认识他/她，并不重要。。重要的是，他/她认识我。。说的再具体一点，就是，重要的是，我这里有他们熟悉的感知，可能是挂念的，可能是久违的，可能是愧欠的，可能是错过的，可能是曾经无奈过的。。。仅此

睡觉去了，不然天亮了

“不要开枪，我是Che Guevara！！！”
    “面对现实”还是“忠于理想”？？-----那不是重点所在....

         有首歌叫什么来着，“不做大哥好多年”
           Che？切?...切～